Between the sheets – Advice about sex after having a baby
Sex should never hurt. Ever.
However, sex after having a baby can be quite daunting for some, particularly anyone who has had an episiotomy, tear or needed stitches to their perineum. Painful sex might come as a surprise to some women when they resume intercourse postnatally. Others may have had it prior to pregnancy. Here’s some advice on when to resume intercourse, how to know if you're ready, and how to make the experience as pain-free and enjoyable as possible.
Why do I have to wait 6 weeks to resume intercourse?
After giving birth, it's essential to give your body time to heal and recover. The general guidance is to wait six weeks before resuming intercourse following delivery. This allows time for the cervix to close, reducing infection risk, and for any stitches to heal including caesarean incisions if applicable. It also gives you time to adjust to your new role as a mum and focus on bonding with your newborn.
However, just because your doctor or midwife has said “You’re good to go” at the six-week check doesn’t mean you have to have intercourse. It is completely fine to wait until you feel ready. It’s not uncommon for some women to find that their libido is lower postnatally. This can be because of sleep deprivation, pain, body image or just not feeling like it.
How do I know if I am ready to resume intercourse?
Knowing when you're ready to resume sexual activity after giving birth is a personal decision. It's important to listen to your body and pay attention to any physical or emotional cues. If you had a vaginal delivery with no complications, you may feel ready to resume intercourse after the six-week mark. However, if you had a complicated delivery, a tear, or an episiotomy, it may take longer for your body to heal.
It's also essential to consider your emotional well-being. Giving birth and becoming a new mum can be overwhelming, and you may experience a range of emotions. It's normal to feel anxious or apprehensive about resuming sexual activity. Take your time and don't rush into it. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings, and make sure you both feel comfortable and ready before taking the next step.
What can I do to have pain free and enjoyable intercourse?
When you feel ready to resume sexual activity, there are several suggestions that can help make the experience as pain-free and enjoyable as possible. Here are some tips:
Use lubricant: Your body may not produce enough natural lubrication after childbirth due to altered hormone levels, which can make intercourse uncomfortable. Using a quality water-based lubricant can help reduce friction and make the experience more pleasurable. Avoid lubricants with flavours or scents as these can irritate the vaginal tissues.
Better positions for perineal stitches or tears: If you had an episiotomy or perineal tear during childbirth, certain sexual positions may be more comfortable than others. Experiment with different positions to find what works best for you. Avoid positions that put direct pressure on the area that has just healed.
Be aroused: It's important to be physically and emotionally aroused before engaging in sexual activity. Foreplay, kissing, and touching can help increase arousal and make intercourse more enjoyable.
Communicate with Your Partner: Communication is key when it comes to intimacy after childbirth. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings, fears, and desires. Share your concerns and work together to find solutions that work for both of you.
Take It Slow: Don't rush into intercourse. I know this is a hard one when you’ve got a newborn and are trying to fit some adult time in between feeds and sleep cycles, but having a good warm-up and taking your time to go at a pace that feels comfortable for you is important. If you experience pain or discomfort, stop and communicate with your partner. It's absolutely okay to take breaks and try again later.
Why does it hurt when I’m having intercourse after having a baby?
There are a couple of reasons why sex may be painful after having a baby and it's important to understand the reasons behind it.
After perineal episiotomies, tears, or stitches:
Understandably, the thought of having any significant stretch or movement in that area can make some people nervous. As part of the healing process fibrous scar tissue forms. This is strong and can cope with significant forces, but it is less-elastic compared to the original tissues. When stretch is applied with penetration, these less-elastic tissues may have some resistance which can lead to pain. Gentle perineal massage and scar desensitisation can be useful for improving pain.Pelvic floor muscle tension or weakness:
Pregnancy and childbirth can impact the muscles of the pelvic floor, leading to tension or weakness. Elevated pelvic floor muscle tension can inhibit penetration and cause a pain response. Pelvic Floor muscle weakness can result in reduced support of vaginal walls and therefore may be uncomfortable with increased friction.Fear of it hurting:
If someone is fearful that penetration is going to hurt, they are more likely to tense their muscles in that area. There may be a pain or a feeling of the vagina ‘blocking’ penetration. The muscle tightening can be a strong survival mechanism, and so often it occurs subconsciously, even when you do really want to be able to have intercourse with someone you trust. Learning how to consciously relax the pelvic floor muscles can be one way to reduce this pain.
What do I do if I am experiencing pain?
If you are experiencing any pain at all with intercourse we highly encourage an appointment with a pelvic floor physiotherapist. They can assess your pelvic floor muscles and then provide a tailored treatment plan for you. If you are concerned about wound healing, infection or other medical reasons for painful intercourse, then speak to your GP or Obstetrician.
In conclusion, resuming sexual activity after giving birth is a personal decision that should be based on your physical and emotional readiness. It's important to give your body time to heal and recover, communicate openly with your partner, and take steps to make the experience as pain-free and enjoyable as possible. Remember, every woman is different, and it's okay